By Carol Sandford


Chapter 03


I stood hand in hand with Thomas just inside the door within his quarters, the silence stretching uncomfortably between us as we uncharacteristically and suddenly realized that we didn't have a clue what to say to one another, or what to do do. In someways, I wished he'd have just simply swept me up into his arms and carried me off to bed and did what we obviously came here to do. But that didn't happen.

I thought - I assumed that Thomas would be a little more aggressive in nature than Will, having been stuck on Nervala 4 for years. Deanna had told me that he'd been desperate, frantic, even, when he had made love to her after they had rescued him and he'd stepped back into her life again, albeit briefly. He'd lost his charm and his wit. He lost even more when he'd been rejected by Deanna, again.

And I expected a man that didn't care about anything, or anyone.

But Thomas studied me with uncertainty just as I studied him, until, at last, he gently tugged at my hand and led me to the couch. Pulling me down until I sat barely an inch away from his body, so close that I could feel his heat radiating from him and I found it intoxicating. I breathed it in unable to keep my eyes open as desire swamped my senses. God, I wanted him, he must have sensed it.

Shifting a little so that he faced me, Tom reached a hand across and touched my jaw. His blue eyes looked deep into mine, contemplating a question. I needed to get this union started because I had a hunch that if I didn't, it wasn't going to go anywhere.

Turning my mouth into his open palm I kissed it gently, swelling with pride as I heard his startled and sharp intake of breath and I watched as his eyes darkened with desire. My own hand rose to cup his, pressing it against my cheek. "Tom?" I whispered huskily, the question within his name become a plea.

"Tell me what you want, Beverly." He returned, his own voice low and dangerous.

"I want you," I answered him boldly. "I want to be with you again. I want to remember." I dared to move my mouth closer to him, hoping that he would take the final step and kiss me. As he slipped his hand around to the nape of my neck, he pulled me that last inch and touched his lips to mine. But it was so brief that I whimpered in protest when his mouth left mine again.

With puzzlement I looked back into those azure eyes that I knew eventually would melt my soul and silently pleaded for more. Feeling his warm breath upon my face, he said hoarsely, "I'm not Will, Beverly, I need you to know that. I am not him."

"I know," I said quietly, briefly closing my eyes so that he couldn't read the lie within them, but even as the lie left my mouth, I knew I was ignoring the truth. *You are Will. You are going to make love to me like Will, and I'm going to let you, no matter how you feel*

But he hadn't finished, adding with a seriousness that defied the look in his eyes. "I don't make love like my brother." Reaching his mouth across and teasing me with a kiss that set my pulse racing.

"Oh?" I said, breathlessly, dimly wondering about his strange admission through the fog of longing as he leaned over and pushed me against the couch's back, his tongue trailing a path around my open and hoping lips. "now I'm intrigued."

"I've been on my own for a long time, Beverly." He said again, sensing that I wasn't grasping something important. When he saw puzzlement cloud my eyes he reached for my hand and placed it on his lap. On his very flat lap. I expected my hands to find a bulge; a hardness, a response to me being with him, kissing him, wanting him, but he was very clearly unaroused.

My hand drifted lightly, unashamedly around his groin, hoping to find a smidgen of evidence that he wanted me, but I didn't find it. And when I looked with confusion, pain and disappointment into his eyes again, he whispered once more, willing me to understand what he was trying to tell me, what my medical mind would come up with. "I've been on my own a long time, Beverly."

And it took a long moment before it did register, and when the penny finally dropped, I gasped with surprise. But the surprise soon turned to one of pity when he's eyes dimmed with sorrow and he made to move away. As my hand moved to grip his arm to halt his flight, he turned his sad but hopeful gaze back to me allowing me to amend my mistake. "Let me help," I said quietly. "Let's do this your way."

I watched as his body wilted with relief and then, just as quietly, he stood and pulled me up with him and led me to the bedroom. We didn't bother to turn the lighting on because it wasn't needed. The stars outside the window gave the room an ethereal glow. It was sultry and romantic and it was perfect, for us.

But suddenly I felt shy. What did he expect from me? What did he want me to do? Did he even want me to do anything? Tom must have heard the questions bouncing around in my mind because he reached for my trembling fingers and pulled me up close to his body and before he settled his mouth against mine, he murmured, "Just go along with me, Bev."

And then his tongue swept into my mouth and took my breath away. I felt my knees begin to buckle and Thomas held my body fast against his, tipping me back so that he could deepen the kiss. My hands rose and threaded themselves greedily into his short spiky hair. It was deliciously soft and a memory surged into my mind. I tried desperately to push it away but I struggled, hard. I had to remember that this was Thomas, and it was suddenly imperative that I did. He deserved that from me. He deserved more than that from me.

I wasn't sure if Thomas was telling me he was impotent before, or that he had been doing things, 'on his own' for so long that he was unable to be stimulated by anyone else anymore. But I knew that I wanted to help him, somehow, and I couldn't help him whilst we were still standing, fully clothed. I ached to see his naked body. Will's had been magnificent. So tall and toned. So hard and wanting, for me. It was a memory that I allowed myself to recall as I reluctantly severed my lips from Tom's and led him to the edge of the bed.

I pulled him down beside me as I sat on it's edge and began to undo my tunic. The dress uniform that we'd all worn to Will and Deanna's wedding was very new and very rigid, and I hated it. But I compensated for it by wearing sexy silk underwear beneath, half knowing that by the end of the night, Tom would be seeing it.

He sat beside me and watched as I removed each piece of the uniform, gradually revealing what lie beneath, his eyes darkening as the midnight-blue teddy slowly became exposed. When I sat in nothing more than the silky creation Tom's gaze lazily run up and down my body until eventually, he gently reached across and slipped one finger under the thin strap upon my shoulder and slowly tugged it down.

I couldn't stop myself from looking down towards his lap, managing to hide the disappointment that I knew flickered through my eyes when I saw the still unresponsive loins. That he didn't find me attractive in a semi-nude state was a shock. A disappointing shock.

But Thomas did see it in my eyes because a moment later the same finger that had moved down my strap now travelled to my chin to lift my face higher so that he could see me, head on. "It's not you, Beverly," He reiterated. "You are one of the most beautiful women I know. I just..." He hesitated, swallowing hard to enable himself to continue. "I just have to do things, myself. I can't..." He broke off, tormented.

My eyes widened at his implications. "You're not impotent?" I blurted, before hastily adding with a blush, "I'm sorry, that's none..."

But he cut me off. "No, I'm not impotent, but I have to...get myself...started." he ended lamely, embarrassed at having to reveal such an intimate secret.

The following silence was deafening as I took stock of what he was telling me. Poor Tom, what hell he must have gone through, and was still going through. I had so many questions racing through my mind, so many that I needed answers for. But for now, reluctantly, I had to squash each and every one of them. I still needed him, and I still wanted Tom to make love to me, any way that he could.

"Well," I decided aloud, "can't do nothing with all those clothes on, can you?" and I proceeded to strip him of all his clothes, including the boxers that he half-heartedly clung on to, knowing that I was about to see something that no other ever had. As soon as he was naked, I pushed him back so that he lay down on the bed with his feet still firmly on the floor and crawled up his long torso. I knew the silk of my teddy was being dragged along the long length of him sending shivers through both our bodies, and as I lowered my mouth to his and kissed him deeply, I felt his big hands grip my waist and rub his loins against mine. The moan that rose from his throat and met mine halfway was laced with desperate need. The fact that it was mental need on his side didn't matter. He needed me and that was enough.

Even though I gently gyrated against him, he still remained as soft as a sponge. It was a strange sensation; having a man lusting after you without the one thing that would make that lust worthwhile. Tom reached up and dragged the teddy straps down and I slid my arms through the holes, revealing, at last, my upper body to his eyes and he studied my breasts in the dimness of the room. He was barely inches away and so close that I could feel his hot, ragged breath upon them.

He wanted to touch them so badly that my breasts began to ache. But as I began to lower them to his waiting mouth his eyes suddenly rose to mine. I saw the question there as though he was seeking permission to touch me. Smiling tenderly down into his handsome face, I whispered, encouragingly, "Go ahead."

To say I was startled when he not only took one waiting nipple into his mouth and sucked it as though he was dying of thirst, he removed one hand from my waist and slid it down in between our bodies, grasping himself within his own palm. Slowly, as he suckled me, I felt him begin to work on himself.

To say it was erotic was an understatement. His knuckles rubbed against my own silk-covered heat and I couldn't stop myself from moving, too. Little by little as moisture oozed from my body, saturating the silk that separated me from him, I felt Tom's once soft member begin to harden. Realizing that he probably wasn't ready yet to penetrate me without disastrous results, I reached down and pulled aside the damp material, exposing myself to him.

Gripping his cupped fist within mine, I guided his sex to my own, deliberately avoiding the entrance. Instead, I glided the dewy tip of him over my swollen clitoris, the motion exuding an erotic shudder that rippled throughout my body, making me whimper. Tearing his mouth away from the now swollen nipple, Tom stared at me with open-mouthed wonder.

Slowly, as Tom began to move of his own violation, I removed my hand and put it back beside his head, my face only a heartbeat away from his as his eyes locked with mine. Barely moments later, Tom moaned, his eyes slipping shut as sensation after sensation began to take over with the small movements made by not only him, but me, too.

Unconsciously my hands moved to Tom's ears and as my forehead moved to rest upon his, our breath's became suspended, just like our bodies as I hovered above him. I felt his hand move back to my waist so I knew that the time had come when we could join in the most intimate of ways. The slick tip of him touched me but I resisted doing what I really wanted to do. The burning need to simply impale myself on his now rock hard shaft was over-whelming, but I wanted us to do this together. I wanted Tom to join with me, completely.

I wanted this to be the night neither of us would ever forget.

I moved my hips wider still. My years of dancing and yoga meant that I was still as flexible as an elastic band, something that Deanna was frequently insanely jealous of. I knew that the movement would make my insides even tighter still. I wanted to feel every delicious millimetre of Tom's eventual penetration, and I wanted him to have the best of me, and this was it.

I made a small movement testing Tom's resistance, thrilled to find he was as hard as he needed to be. I touched my lips to his and whispered against his mouth, "Are you ready for this, Tom?" His low, strangled and barely restrained hissed, "Yesssss." was all I needed to hear.

Slowly I lowered myself onto him. With myself almost doing the splits above him, I was as tight as a coiled spring. Without my moisture or his own, Tom would never have made it into me. I felt rather than saw his face grimace with pain, ecstasy and effort as he pushed against my tightening walls as I inched down onto him. I felt Tom's mouth open wide as he began to gasp for breath and as he pushed the last inch into me I plunged my tongue into his mouth, capturing the groan as he finally reached heaven.

For a long still moment, with Tom embedded deeply within me, we kissed. Tom's huge hand slid down my spine, resting and pushing on my bottom, fusing us even closer together, holding me captive against him. We kissed until it became a carnal extension of our bodies until eventually we began to move. We had to move.

But I ached to have him even deeper still.

Pushing myself up onto my hands, I changed the status quo because now I could dominate the movements. Dragging my feet so that they were flat upon the bed, I sat upon him, hard, and as I laced my fingers within his, Tom took my weight against his strong arms. His dilated eyes, dark and heavy, were full of desire and need as they locked with mine. I had to do nothing more than rock against him as the position and the movement became more than I could ever have imagined.

I was relentless with my rhythm as I slowly gyrated against him, keeping it steady and deep until saw Tom's eyes widen and his nostrils flare and I realized that he was close to coming. But I wanted to come, too.

So I asked, huskily, releasing one hand, "Touch me, Tom."

Licking the tip of his finger, Tom reached between us and touched me and as the delicious tremors began to cascade through me, I let my head drop back and let the sensation of being touched, caressed and loved take over, allowing the low, keening moan to leave my lungs, letting it echo around the small room locking us both within the intimate setting. But within seconds, I dropped my upper body as the tiny ripples of the impending explosion took me over.

I gasped as Tom gripped my hips again and began to thrust harder, the harsh slapping sounds of flesh against flesh coalesced with the cries that left both of our mouths as at last, we both exploded together. I dimly wondered if we could be heard outside the four walls, but just as quickly as the thought meandered through my crazed mind, I suddenly realized that I didn't give a hoot who heard. I was a grown woman, with a grown man. I was normal and I was proud of it.

A chill spread over our damp bodies as we lay exhausted and entwined together. Tom pulled the comforter over the both of us, tucking me close to his side, pushing my head in the crook of his shoulder, a heavy, contented sigh leaving his lungs as he settled down to sleep. But not before whispering against my hair, "Thank you, Beverly."

I smiled as I planted a swift kiss upon his naked chest, the soft matted hair upon it, tickling my nose. "You can thank me in the morning, the proper way, if you like."

*The Thomas way* I added, silently. Proudly.

He chuckled in the darkness, squeezing me tightly as he whispered drowsily before we both slipped into a deep, soothing sleep, "I like."

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